Don't be fooled by the couple of intriguing promo pics, including the one used here, The Bluff is a disastrously boring film that takes every opportunity to waste its ample potential.
The story is set at the tail end of the golden age of piracy. Priyanka Chopra-Jonas and Karl Urban play aging pirates who both know their world has ended, but still have one last feud they have to settle with one another. As far as settings for gloriously silly B-fare goes, The Bluff kicks things off wonderfully.
Things look up for the first ten minutes or so. Urban's evil captain attacks a merchant vessel during the night, and no part of the scenery is safe from his deliciously hammy acting. Back on land, Chopra-Jonas sells the part of a haunted anti-hero looking to make amends perfectly well. If you saw her underappreciated Citadel series, where she played a similar tone, you know what you're in for.
But then things go sour and continue to do so for the rest of the film. Urban's crew find Chopra-Jonas and the rest of the picture is a dire series of catch and release, as both pirates seem completely unable to actually deliver a killing blow despite numerous prime opportunities.
A desperate chase makes for a good thriller. You only need to ask George Miller, who made it work in Fury Road and again in Furiosa. All you need is enough meat around the bone to make us care for both prey and hunter. Sadly, The Bluff assumes that just because it has two likeable stars in the lead we don't need anything else. This isn't the case, as even schlockmeister general Karl Urban himself can't make a meal out of reheated leftovers.
His pirate captain growls and hisses a lot, but that's about it. Worse is how painfully little The Bluff gives for Temuera Morrison, who deserves better than a bit part as the guy repeating Urban's orders.
Chopra-Jonas does what she can with an equally flat character, but you can tell where her limitations lie. She's terrific at playing the fake damsel and turning a scene against her dance partners, but I don't buy her as a ferocious and mighty pirate when it's clear she can't swing a sword.
In fairness, it's not just her who proves wholly unbelievable as a pirate. Whatever the budget of the production, I doubt a single doubloon went into the action choreography. There's no other explanation for such dire and lifeless combat in a film that leans so heavily on it. In fact, much of the film itself is so devoid of style and point of view it's like it came out of a synthesized mood board. For all their faults, at least films like At World's End and Cutthroat Island are recognizable for their own thing.
Don't get me wrong, a lot happens in The Bluff. People are shot with cannons, sliced with blades, blown apart by gunpowder, and thrown off great heights. In some cases we can even make out some of this. But for whatever reason, be that budget, a lack of time, or simple inexperience, The Bluff never finds a footing or style to pursue. Instead, it repeats the same pattern of establishing wide shots followed by a frantically shaking camera.
The dialog can't save a sinking ship, either. A week after my screening, I struggled to remember character names or even a single bit of dialog worth smiling about. Usually these kinds of films have at least one or two great one-liners. Something that makes the journey worth the effort. Not here. This is a by-the-numbers script written with such disinterest it doesn't even register as cynical.
As a streaming title, it's passable as background noise. But surely everyone involved deserves better. I know that we, as an audience, certainly do.
